Just a little something I wrote back during NaNoWriMo, when I needed a break from the novel. Thought I’d share it now that I have somewhere to do so:

God contemplated the text on His computer screen as he massaged his temples. Jesus Christ. He had a headache the size of the Middle East, and it had “humanity” written all over it. What time was it, anyway?

Not that time had much meaning to God. When you’re omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent, time becomes pretty meaningless, after all. Still, it was obvious to Him that He’d spent way too much time at the computer. His neck was starting to hurt, and His eyes felt dry and scratchy.

How had He let it all get so complicated?

In the beginning, everything was so nice and straightforward. The hero, Adam. An Everyman sort of character, salt of the earth. His love interest, Eve. Beautiful, mysterious, but the only woman in the world for him. A good villain, that snake, trying to lead them astray just for the hell of it.

He should have made it a short story. That was the problem. Damn it, why did He try to turn it into a novel? Now He was stuck with this massive epic – 780,000 words and counting. What publisher was going to want to touch that?

Hell, War and Peace was only half a million words, give or take a few.

This damned manuscript spanned thousands of years, and it had plot holes you could drive the escaping tribes of Israel through. He had no idea how to handle the completely different tones of the old and new testaments.

Maybe He should call a book doctor. Or several book doctors. No publisher was going to want to edit this monstrosity in-house.

But first, He had to come up with some sort of ending to the misbegotten thing. Somehow, He didn’t think “and they all lived happily ever after” would work here. Not with this batch of characters.

“To hell with it,” He muttered, clicking over to his browser window. “Let’s see how my NaNoWriMo buddies are doing with their stories.”